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New Album Unfolding now released
available on all music streaming and download sites
Unfolding
An Album of songs reflecting on some experiences that formed much of my younger life and hopefully a little wisdom garnered along the way.
The Songs
Spinning
Vanity of Vanities
All is Vanity says the Preacher
King Solomon was depressed, he had all the treasures in the world that he could wish for, the latest tech, armies at his command, but he felt worthless. We all spin around on the hedonic treadmill getting used to what we have and then yearning for more and more... but missing out on the riches we have. Like beggars living on a beach of gold, all of our efforts are vanity and chasing the wind.
In our world of opinions and attitudes turbochared by social media, never lose sight of the fact that Truth is a Rainbow. White light can be split up into an infinite range of visible colours. We humans are all the same species but display an infinite range of ways of looking, doing, being, and believing. The more we focus on dividing the rainbow of human colours the more we damage ourselves.
Falling
Sometimes there are no words...
"When I was a child I caught a fleeting glimpse out of the corner of my eye I turned to look but it was gone I cannot put my finger on it now The child is grown The dream is gone, I have become comfortably numb."
Roger waters writes much about his childhood experiences, his song about the death of his father in WW2, and the scream of pain that is The Wall from his experience of abuse in education. It is no surprise that in Comfortably Numb (quoted above), the need for drugs to sooth the anger and pain comes to the fore. But the child is never gone, and is always looking for that comforting vision. Without a vision we perish.
This song was partly inspired by reading the poem by the welsh poet Dylan Thomas: The force that through the green fuse drives the flower. (I recommend everyone to read it, it is brilliant.)
The founder of Person Centred Therapy, Carl Rogers, maintained that there is a force within each of us which given the right environment will lead to our flourishing; through his method of Unconditional Positive Regard for the person. Whilst this is not recommended for Narcissists, we can all benefit from regarding ourselves and others a little less critically.
Picture: Skiathos Garden Theatre Production of Plato's cave
Ballad of a Hidden Boy
I was beaten at home, at primary school, at secondary school.
This was all part of British culture of that time. The maxim "spare the rod and spoil the child" was firmly embedded in the christian parental psyche. Teachers regularly dispensed physical beatings to pupils of any age.
Sex abuse at 5 yrs old at the hands of a young babysitter sowed seeds of confusion and fear...
We all have different responses to these experiences. Mine was to withdraw into hiding and act out the best socially acceptable persona I could create, all the time hoping my fear would not be discovered and exploited.
In his book The Madness, war correspondent and author Fergal Keane gives a clear and moving account of a childhood lived in constant fear, his resultant breakdowns and addiction to alcohol and the adrenaline of front line reporting.
After a therapy session thinking about my childhood, I sat down at the piano and this song flowed out of me. I recorded the first take as it was just too raw to keep repeating.
It is hard to reflect on some your life as a little child because you only have a confused little child's viewpoint. Of course my mum isn't a monster, she is a kind and generous mum who has helped me enormously during my chaotic adult life. But my vivid memories and unfathomable fear come bubbling to the surface overflowing into the emotion in this song when I sing with the voice of my 5 year old self bewildered by the world suddenly becoming a dangerous place to be.
Picture: Woman and Child Lisbon Seafront
Leaving
We left Kuwait in 1966 I was 7. I had no further contact with my Dad until 1984. Another crazy attitude at that time seemed to be that children are better off having a clean break from a divorced parent to avoid "confusion". Having no contact or news of eiter your parents is traumatic to young children. In the words of Stephen Hawking (as quoted by Pink Floyd): "Just keep talking!"
Memories of Kuwait in the early 1960's are of beatiful gardens in the desert, termite nests dangling from the ceiling, cockroaches skuttling for cover when the light was turned on. The smell of the first rain on the parched ground. Building the family sailing dinghy on the terrace, and the kindness of the local baker giving me fresh bread as I hung around the bakery door at first light. (how on earth was I there on my own at that age?!)
The Vickers VC10 is a beautiful aircraft, sleek, elegant and fast, which revolutionised passenger travel in the 1960's. It replaced the prop driven Vickers Vangard which rattled out your eyeballs on a long haul flight from the middle east.
PIcture: Vickers VC10
Core
The lyrics for this song are from a beautiful love poem written to me by my partner Karen...
Picture: Skiathos Garden Theatre Production of Plato's cave
Bittersweet
"The sky is falling! The sky is falling!" said Chicken Licken.
Of course the sky wasn't falling but sometimes it feels that way when there is a tear in your reality. Bereavement is like that. Suddenly a part of you is torn away and the feelings that ensue are beyond words.
Many people who meet an estranged parent or child for the first time, speak of an unexplainable feeling of self recognition in the other person.
This happened to me when I went to my grandma's funeral. We were late and my Dad was coming out of the Church as we arrived. Aunt Pauline said to him, "Rod this is Iain...your son." Bang, there it was. Like a half of me was suddenly exposed to the light. The fleeting glimpse, always elusive, suddenly seen.
I tried to capture that moment in this song.
Rage
This Dylan Thomas poem grows in meaning and potency with age. What attitude to take to impending oblivion? Do we accept meekly, do we rage? I guess it depends on personality.
There's a scene in Dead Poets Society where the teacher, played beautifully by Robin Williams, takes his students to see the pictures of long dead students lining the corridors of their school. "Carpe... Carpe Diem" he whispers to the bemused boys. Seize the Day!
There is only this day, no one knows what tomorrow will bring. "We are such stuff as dreams are made on and our little life is rounded with a sleep." says Prospero in The Tempest. Make sure you dont take your dreams to your grave and rage at the dying of the light.
Picture: Skiathos Garden Theatre Production of Plato's cave
The Place Where You Belong
No-one can take your soul away they can only steal your time.
The world flows with competing stories, exortations and calls to action. As humans we are all too readily caught up in beliefs which we do not pause to examine. We accept on face value what may seem outlandish to our reason. Sometimes we suspend our disbelief, either con sciously or unconsciously, because te alternative is too difficult or frightening to entertain. If we are not careful, time passes and we did not live our own life but were a cipher for someone elses agenda. "Buy the truth and sell it not!" says the Proverb. There is meaning to be found in this swirling sandstorm of meaninglessness.
Picture: Saint Sadie of the Sacred Aga
If
If we are lucky our lives may be filled with opportunity. Every opportunity carries a choice and a risk. We can play it safe and remain hidden or we can take the risk of stepping out into ourselves and flying.
Sometimes the only way to overcome our fear is to recognise it as part of ourselves, by no fault of our own, and embrace it whilst soothing the trembling it evokes in us. The psychotherapist Peter Levine describes this as somatic experiencing.
In her book A return to love: Reflections on the principles of a course in miracles, Marianne Williamson writes “Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others."
Picture: Festival of the Horse Alghero Sardinia
I Will Be With You
Sometimes we just come to the end of ourselves and feel there is no way forward. Thats the time we need someone who we know we can rely on, just to be there for us. My life has been blessed with people who simply love me even when I'm falling apart at the seams. My wish is for everyone to experience the same.
Picture: Sunset at Supetar Croatia
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